[cheerful music] - Hello, I'm Nido Qubein, welcome to Side By Side.

My guest today is a presentation skills expert, and an executive speech coach.

She has been named a top woman in sales and a top coaching guru.

We're talking about the power of personal communication with Patricia Fripp.

- Funding for Side By Side with Nido Qubein is made possible by: - Here's to those that rise and shine, to friendly faces doing more than their part, and to those who still enjoy the little things.

You make it feel like home.

Ashley HomeStore, this is home.

- The Budd Group is a company of everyday leaders making a difference by providing facility solutions through customized janitorial landscape and maintenance services.

- Coca-Cola consolidated is honored to make and serve 300 brands and flavors locally.

[upbeat music] Thanks to our teams.

[upbeat music] We are Coca-Cola Consolidated, your local bottler.

[upbeat music] [instrumental music] - Patricia, welcome to Side By Side, I have been quite impressed with the career that you've had.

You have been a coach of some of America's leading business people and organizational leaders.

You've taught them how to communicate, how to present, and yet in America today, we're told repeatedly that the number one fear of people have is the fear of public speaking.

How can that be?

- Most people are terrified of looking stupid in front of others and many of the executives and even celebrity speakers I've spoken to, when I do a snapshot of their lives, I find at age eight, they had to stand up in class and they were embarrassed.

And they are focusing their whole attention on when they didn't do well at a time they were untrained or too young to really know what was happening.

- So you think it's, it's a frame of reference.

You think it's, it's the fact that they were embarrassed as a kid and therefore consciously or unconsciously, they don't want to repeat that mistake.

- Yes, and it might surprise you, I was helping a gentleman who charges $25,000 for speech and looking at his background, I said, your parents must've been very proud of you.

And he said, if they were, they never told me and watching his recordings ahead of time, I could see that was what was holding him back from being as good as he could be.

- Wow.

- And in that case, I became his number one encourager as well as giving him techniques.

- Yeah, everybody wants encouragement, right?

Yeah so, so tell me this.

Can anyone be a good speaker?

- Yes.

- Anyone can be a good speaker.

- With training for some of us, you and I, perhaps and many of our friends in the national speakers association.

It is more natural for us to stand up and speak in front of public.

- What makes it natural?

I mean, I've never, for example, in my case, I've never had a speech course, I've never had a coach, I've never read an article maybe lately, but never an article that says these are the seven things you do to become a speaker.

Just start speaking and make some mistakes, and you know, through trial and error or somehow in experience became familiar with it.

- Well for some people, we at school, we could talk in front of the class, it was more natural or our family encouraged us to tell stories or talk about our day at the dinner table.

For others who are more naturally introverted, they would rather work on the computers and of course, the way we communicate today is spoiling communication.

- Mhm.

- But even if.

- You mean technology has made it less personal.

- We don't communicate in person the same way as we used to.

If anyone makes the commitment, even if it's not their natural state, learning some proven principles and timeless techniques with encouragement and advice.

Yes, they can be good.

- What's the one thing that if someone were to say to you, I've never given a speech, I'm scared to death, I can't sleep, my stomach turns, my heart is beating so crazy and you're gonna give me the one tip that will make me a better communicator.

What would that be?

- Well, I'll give you two tips.

- OK - One stop focusing on what you don't want.

When people say to me, I'm not a good speaker, I say, no, you're an untrained speaker.

So don't focus on what you don't want, and when it comes to your message, speak as an audience advocate.

In other words, no matter what you are discussing from your own experience and knowledge, why would the audience care?

For example, if a, if a president of a company stands up at a company meeting and saying, our strategy will be, will increase the shareholder value.

Unless your employees or shareholders, you need to save that for the board of directors, for this audience, you need to say our strategy will increase sales and you will have job security.

- That's so good, so you're talking about the difference between features, advantages and benefits to that audience.

- Benefits to the audience, yes.

- Pretty sure one of my books, I call that the law of identification and I say, when something becomes personal, it then becomes important.

So how then does a person who's speaking to a group of 10 in a room teaching a Sunday school class, you know, most people are not going to be speaking to thousands of people in a big convention center.

How does one become an advocate of the audience?

- Very simply look at your presentation from their point of view.

And if you don't know what that is, you find out.

Simple research.

For example, I was helping an executive with a presentation, he was newly promoted to this role and he had eight minutes, and I said, you do realize in eight minutes, 500 of your store managers, and the executives are going to understand, wow, that's why he got the job, or he couldn't have done better than that.

Now that was for him, so I said, this is very important, and he was talking about the program that encouraged their employees to come up with good ideas that would make or save the company money.

And he gave me a page of statistics, I said, statistics aren't sexy, numbers can be numbing.

What is the story behind the statistics?

And so he found out he didn't know, but he find out to make a story of one good idea that saved the company 200 times adults.

So the point is always, if you give a statistic, what's the story behind it?

- Give us an example of that.

- Well, shall I give you an example from that case?

- Yes.

- This was for a major retailer that everyone would understand.

And I said, you have 500 managers, what do they look like?

He said 24 to 28 years old, and I said, well, you are a prematurely, gray, silver-haired, 50 year old executive.

So I need a story of somebody more like them.

And this was a young kid in the shipping room.

And the, and he find he was sending eight FedEx packets to the same location, with the same information inside, company newsletter.

And he thought, why don't I check from the person sending them, see if I can put them in one packet with a note to distribute the other end.

It's not a priority, it's not a contract, it's not private information.

And then when he got the, okay, he went to all the other guys and said, think before you do that, if it's not that important, find out, can you combine it?

And that one idea saved $200,000.

And when I coached him to tell the story, I said, he, when he went to the others, he said, we don't own stock in FedEx.

We own stock in our company, which gave him some fun rep.

I'll tell you, made it meaningful, and as you know, when you tell a story, it's the best way to explain a simple or complex idea.

Because when these managers went back to their stores and said, well, how was the meeting?

Oh, we heard a great story about this kid in the shipping room saved $200,000.

Well, we, we can come up with good ideas too.

So you speak in a way that your audience can see what you're saying and they can repeat it.

- How does one organize that?

What is it, I'm gonna give a speech to my team and what do I do?

- What is your major point?

You say, all right, well, the point is teamwork.

We have to work more closely as a team and support each other.

And then you find out from each manager who is the best example and make it a real life story, and you might even interview the mole, if you don't have much time, have someone interview you and put their words into your speech.

- But what are the steps do I, do I assemble the information first, do I organize it in an introduction, body, conclusion, do I then go back and say, what story illustrates this point?

That's what I'm asking, what, what is the process before I actually stand up and give the talk?

- If, well, every presentation has a premise, a big idea.

What's the central theme you want to get across.

- So every presentation should have one big idea?

- What is the big idea?

Our strategy is sound.

Or we need to make this massive change, and then your talking points, I call them points of wisdom, prove your premise.

They make your case for you.

- I see.

- And then, looking at from the point of view of the audience, what story or example, and stories are by people.

Now, companies might tell stories about their company, but companies full of people and people speak, and we want to hear what they say.

And a story comes alive when you have a character with a backstory, just so we can understand who they are and then what.

- What's the, what's the backstory?

- The backstory, so for example, if I were going to tell you a story, Mary had a problem.

You think who's Marry, what's her problem?

Her backstory is Mary had 20 years running HR departments in the most prestigious companies in Silicon valley.

Now, without me telling you, you know, Mary eats problems for lunch.

You know everyone comes to Mary with their problems.

So if Mary has a problem, it's a big one.

Now you're only two lines into the story.

- That's powerful.

- Which is another point, get to the point fast.

Marry had a problem, this is who she was, and then Roger walked in and said, Mary, we're gonna be sued for $28 million, and I think it was my fault.

Now you're in the story, which is another technique, and we all hear friends, they have a couple of drinks Saturday night, they regale us with stories.

Very often they are too long.

- So Story's too long?

- You need to get into the action.

- So what's the idea length of a story in a speech?

- How long it takes to get your message across and still engage the audience.

That could be two minutes, it could be five, it could be 15 even, if there are different scenes within the story that you might develop a holiday training around that one story.

- Now officially, you and I have given thousands of speeches for corporations, organizations, all over the world.

And I used to, early on, tell these long jokes, you know, it would take two minutes, three minutes, before you get to the punchline.

Today you can't do that, today the audiences have ADD, and you better move on very fast and you got to have one liners and so on, but then to your point, I'm not sure I had the wisdom to diagnose it the way you're diagnosing it.

But I had a story about buying two cars from this person and so on.

And the story took forth and developed into a 14 minutes, just to your point, about 15 minutes.

But in the 14 minutes I had about 12 laughs and about seven lessons.

And it became a story that audiences kept as, we tell that story in the speech, even though it didn't fit in the subject matter, you know, I'd, I'd find a way to put it in.

Tell me, tells me this, let's talk about the appearance, we're not professional speakers we're talking about a business person or a nonprofit leader or a student in college or a politician even, who has to make a presentation.

And sometimes the presentations in someone's living room, sometimes it is in a boardroom, sometimes it's in a beautiful theater.

What can they, and what should not, what, what can they do and what they should not be doing on this stage?

For example, shuffling pieces of paper, walking back and forth, playing with their tie, etc, etc.

- Everything we do adds to or distracts from our message and many executives and politicians and leaders.

They've seen speakers like Tony Robbins, and they believe that walking back and forth across the stage is dynamic.

And certainly I believe professional speakers, years ago, used that as an approach.

Now be strategic, now I would encourage everyone for your opening remarks, standstill.

That the power of your words resonate because we all have accents to somebody.

And if you have spent hours or have a team help crofting you with your message, let the word, let the audience, hear the word.

So standstill.

Then if you move, move on purpose, make it very obvious.

You um, you mean to move, unlike nervous movement, little dots at the front of the room.

And then when you get to the most important point, what I call your point of wisdom, no matter where you are on the stage or the front of the room of the boardroom standstill.

And that is as if you are verbally underlining, the audience knows this is what I have to write down, this is important.

That is what I call verbal punctuation.

Then you might also move on transition, our first strategy, our second strategy, our third strategy, and then there is a movement specific phrase.

- A movement specific phrase.

- So for example, if I was telling a story, I walked into the boss's office.

It could be, I invite you to walk into our culprit atrium.

And as you look around, you're describing it, but that movement specifically.

- I see.

- So they would be with ways of movement.

Now, if you stand up, deliver your opening remarks and you were to say, I wish he could have met me when I was growing up in high point, North Carolina.

Now that's the past, so you would move or gesture to your right, the audience's left because that's the past.

- I see.

- And then as you move through your presentation, you would move to your left, the audiences right, because that's how we read.

- So maybe every speaker should take a course in theater?

- Well, they, not necessarily, but you do have to understand about staging and what is back and forward and pause.

- Because sometimes movement interferes with the message, it confuses the message.

Go back to fear.

What is it that a person who's not comfortable speaking to an audience in-person, what does that person do to overcome nervousness?

- Decide this is a skill I want to develop and don't focus on it, find help.

It could be as simple as joining a Toastmaster club, which is the most supportive way to at least get some basic confidence.

If you're an executive then I am surprised, often people call and say, I spent 30 years of my career trying to not give speeches.

And I always say, why on earth didn't you meet someone like me when you're in your twenties?

I'm a little impatient, I must admit.

Alright and, and one helping, what I do is ask questions, pull the words out of executives mouths, polish them up, pop them in, say, say that.

And if they have anyone helping them or write that down.

So having the confidence of knowing exactly how you're gonna open, because you're always gonna be the most nervous at the beginning, and you want to close on a high, so know exactly how you're gonna close.

- But what happens on the day of the presentation I got up this morning, I know I'm going to go speak to all my employees or I'm going to go promote something in front of my vendors or whatever, and I'm nervous.

My stomach is turning, my heart is pumping, my hands are, my hands are sweaty, and I feel like I'm going to die.

What do I do?

- Breathe deeply, breathe deeply and smile, breathe, smile, pause.

And what I did naturally from my very first speech that I would encourage everyone to, even if it isn't natural, wander around and shake hands with some of the audience.

- In advance.

- In advance, for two reasons.

Now, one we all know about the law of reciprocation.

If you extend yourself, they feel obligated to give you attention.

Now, that doesn't mean they're obligated to stay with you for 45 minutes, but they will at least give you the benefit of the doubt.

Secondly, it is very difficult to go from nothing from oh, to at least looking confident, not being confident, looking confident.

We all know act as if, and by shaking hands or talking to people, you are warming up your voice and body.

- Brings it out of you.

- Yes, it's like when people say, oh, we've given you a great place, sit at the front table with the president.

No, no, I want to stand at the back so I can, I can stand up, I can move, I can walk, I can warm up my facial muscles.

- I mean, that's what, that's what singers do with.

- Yes.

- They don't go around sitting there, they're in the back they're warming up their voice, they're prepping themselves mentally and so on.

This is fascinating, we could talk for a long time about all of this, it applies to everybody.

Everybody should be effective in communication, everybody should understand that communicating with others really is about connecting with others, building a bridge of understanding with others.

But I want to talk about you for a moment.

You came to this country, from England many years ago, you had a few dollars, you landed in San Francisco, why San Francisco?

- Because everyone I had talked to, when I said, I'm going to America, they said you have to go to San Francisco.

So I believed everyone.

And now those were the times I had only ever met two people who'd been to America.

We only knew America by movies.

I knew everyone in America was rich and the streets were paved with movie stars, and I have not been disappointed.

- And you started in a hair salon.

- Yes, I was trained in England to be a hairstylist.

And my father, when I said, I'm going to America, I'm sure he rolled his eyes, he did tell my mother, tell her not to go, and my mother wouldn't.

And he said, well, right to false alarms and one responded to me, and this was Charles Lavonne who ran the beauty salon in the Mark Hopkins Hotel.

He said, come see me, and I have to go to beauty school to get my license, but that was such a great experience because in the Mark Hopkins Hotel, you met people from all over the country and all over the world.

And as you know, the more people you talk to, the smarter you get.

- And the more opportunities you have.

- Oh, yes.

- And you went on to own your own salon.

- Yes, then I became one of the first women in men's hairstyling, when it was a new industry, I worked with Jay Sebring, the legendary men's hairstylist who really began that industry of men's hair styling.

And then he started me traveling, speaking, and then I owned my own salon, which was such an education because my clients were the movers and shakers in the financial district, or were the up and coming ambitious young professionals.

And I realized that speaking at Rotary clubs and Kiwanis clubs was the best and most fun way to promote my business.

- Yes, and speaking of first female, you went on to become the first female who chaired and presided over the national speakers association with 4,000 people who are professional speakers, clearly by then you became famous and very successful and had a long list of, of, of, of admirers among CEOs and companies that were engaging you to speak at their conferences.

What is the one piece of advice you'd give to someone who wants to start their business, who wants to not necessarily get into speaking, but whatever it is that they want to do, what is, what is that one or two, what are the one or two things that you would say, you've got to think this way, you've got to do this)}?

- I learned from Jay Sebring who said, we only have one gimmick, best take of the ten.

And it wasn't what he said, as much as who he said it to.

Herb Kane, who was the popular columnist in San Francisco, Playboy magazine, Time magazine when no one else was talking about men's hairstyling.

And that's when I realized, it doesn't matter how good I am at my profession, the world has to know.

And that is when I became what I would later say, shameless self-promoter, we have to promote in an ongoing, consistent, relentless way to get the word out of who we all of course, these days with social media, it's so much easier.

- Yeah.

- And the other foundation, my father, the first day, he pushed me out to work, to get the bus for my apprenticeship, said in your career, then concentrate on making a lot of money, concentrate on becoming the type of person people want to do business with.

And that's how you'll make it.

- Yes, and that's great advice, it makes a lot of sense.

You put it to work in your life, it's worked for you.

Thank you for joining me on Side By Side.

- My pleasure Dr. Qubein.

[cheerful music] - Funding for a Side By Side with Nido Qubein is made possible by.

- Interest to those that rise and shine, to friendly faces doing more than their part, and to those who still enjoy the little things.

You make it feel like home.

Ashley HomeStore, this is home.

- The Budd Group is a company of everyday leaders making a difference by providing facility solutions through customized janitorial landscape and maintenance services.

- Coca-Cola consolidated is honored to make and serve 300 brands and flavors locally.

[upbeat music] Thanks to our teams.

[upbeat music] We are Coca-Cola Consolidated.

your local bottle.