(upbeat music) - Hello, I'm Nido Qubein.

Welcome to Side by Side.

You won't find my guest today sitting in the balcony.

She always lives life in the front row instead.

She's an author and Hall of Fame speaker.

Her name is Marilyn Sherman.

Funding for Side by Side with Nido Qubein is made possible by: - Coca-Cola Consolidated makes and serves over 300 of the world's best brands and flavors to over 65 million consumers across 14 states and the District of Columbia.

With 17,000 purpose-driven teammates, we are Coca-Cola Consolidated.

- The Budd Group has been serving the Southeast for over 60 years.

Specializing in janitorial, landscape, and facility solutions, our trusted staff delivers exceptional customer satisfaction, comprehensive facility support with The Budd Group.

- Trujist.

We're here to help people, communities, and businesses thrive in North Carolina and beyond.

The commitment of our teammates makes the difference every day.

- Marilyn, welcome to Side by Side.

I'm so glad to have you here.

You travel the world telling people to move from the balcony to the front row.

- Yes.

- What in the world does that mean?

- Well, metaphorically speaking, I really think that life is a venue, and every single day we have choices as to where we sit in this venue of life.

We could either be sitting in the balcony, meandering around in general admission, or the front row.

Now, balcony seats are not good seats.

Balcony seats are, you are so disengaged that you could leave that seat and come back, and no one would have noticed that you had left.

Then there's general admission, and general admission is another way of saying your comfort zone.

And your comfort zone, as you know, leads to habits that leads to mediocrity.

And eventually, those general admission seats revert to a balcony seat.

And then there's the front row.

And the front row, to me, is where life is lived.

This is where you get to say, it doesn't get any better than this.

I love what I do.

I love who I do it for.

I love who I do it with.

It's where you're energized, you're living your passion.

So my job, my goal, is to inspire people to look at where they're sitting and move closer to the front row, however they define it.

- Mm, that's intriguing.

- Yeah.

- So by front row, you don't mean the best.

You mean being engaged, being involved, being noticed?

- Yes, yes.

- And how do people, first of all, how do people acknowledge that they're sitting in a balcony or in the general admission or the front row?

I mean, do most people have an understanding about their position in society, in work?

- No, I really think people don't.

I don't think they think about it.

I think they have their habits and they go and they are where they are without even sort of acknowledging.

So what I like to do is just sort of have them reflect on, well, where are you sitting right now?

Are you really happy with where you're sitting right now?

Do you feel engaged?

Do you feel empowered?

Do you feel like you're making a difference?

And so when they think about it, sometimes they think, wow, I didn't realize that I settle for a balcony seat when in fact I could be sitting in the front row.

And my experience has been that people don't feel like they deserve to be in the front row.

So they see all the VIPs down in front and they don't think that they deserve to be in that seat.

- I see.

So you're talking about potential, really?

- Yes.

- You're talking about my potential as a person and how I position myself at work and in life so that I have a better chance at what?

At climbing the ladder, doing well in business, building a better future?

- Well, it all depends.

You get to define what your front row is.

For me as a professional speaker, being on stage, empowering hundreds of thousands of people, that is my front row.

Other people, they would rather have root canal than be on stage speaking to a large audience of people.

So everybody has different talents.

Everybody has different passions.

So it's up to them to decide what does it mean to live their life in the front row.

So hopefully I inspire them to think about it and then think about ways that they can move to their front row.

- And how does someone do that?

How does someone who's hypothetically sitting in the, metaphorically as you said, sitting in the balcony, how do they legitimately, appropriately, successfully move to the front row?

What are the steps I must follow to acknowledge where I am and therefore how do I get there?

- Well, I have a real simple acronym, the seat of success, S-E-A-T.

And the S stands for to see the outcome you desire.

So you first have to define for yourself what does it mean, what does success look like for you, what does front row mean to you?

So you have to see it first, you visualize it.

What does it look like?

- So for example, a salesperson might wanna be a sales manager, a sales manager might wanna be the CEO.

That's what you mean.

- Exactly, where do you see yourself?

Where do you see yourself sitting?

- Yes.

- And you get to define that.

No one else can define it for you because if you make decisions based on what other people see for your life, you get resentful if it doesn't work out and you can blame other people.

So you have to be accountable for where you are sitting and decide where you want to sit, what's best for you.

So that's-- - So first have a clear vision of what success means for you.

- Exactly.

And the E stands for energy management.

As you know, you have to manage your energy.

Your time, you can't challenge time.

Time is a fixed asset.

But what you can do is manage your energy, which means you have to say no to those things that aren't in alignment with your values or what you see for yourself as your success seat in life.

And so you have to be real cognizant of saying no to those things that don't support your vision.

- How is energy management different than let's say time management?

- Well, you can't manage time, but you can manage your energy.

So know what excites you, know what brings you passion and do more of that in your life.

And then look at those people, places and things that drain you of your energy and do less of that.

A lot of times people say yes to things out of obligation or out of guilt or out of, you know, they don't wanna be seen as someone who's not a team player.

Well, I say you need to respect your boundaries so that you have the energy to perform.

Does that make sense?

- Absolutely makes sense.

- Yeah.

- So that's the S and the E. The S is define your success.

- Yes.

- The E is manage your energy.

- Yeah.

- What's the A?

- Attitude.

And your attitude is all about your mindset and seeing things in a positive light and to feel like you deserve a front row seat.

Do you have an attitude of graciousness where you're grateful for the seat that you have?

You look at things as possibility, you have a growth mindset.

And your attitude, people can see it, they feel your vibe instantaneously and this will help you in life.

Wherever you are in life, if you have a positive attitude, that can only benefit you and help you.

- What about someone who has low self-esteem or someone who's had a frame of reference which was filled with failures and so that's all they can think about.

They have fear driving them every day.

- Well, I have a strategy for that.

I believe in keeping track of all of your wins, even if they're small wins, keep track of your wins.

Because we live in such a negative society.

Have you noticed, and it seems to get more and more negative, and so it's imperative that we focus on, well, what's going right in our world?

So keep track of every win that you have.

- How do I keep track?

- You literally write things down.

You literally write things down.

And what happens with your brain is the more you write down those things that are working for you, the more wins that you have, the more things that you can celebrate, the more your brain finds things to celebrate because it knows you're going to write it down.

And not only does it help you find more things that are positive in your life, but it anchors you to what's good.

So I tell people all the time is once you have your win list and you add to it, every time you have a crucial conversation that you have to have, or you have to give a presentation that you're nervous about, or you're going into an environment that's making you nervous, start by reflecting on all of your wins.

Anchor to what's positive so that you can go in with this armor of protection, of confidence.

- How does attitude and, how do attitude and beliefs integrate?

Is your attitude a byproduct of what you believe?

Is your beliefs lead to your behaviors, your behaviors lead to results?

So where does someone, for example, who has been told all their life that they can't amount to anything, they really believe that, so their self-esteem is limited at best.

It's not a question of just jumping up and down and saying I'm positive today, because they're inside you, they're those feelings that drive you differently.

- Right, so it does start with belief.

And so what you have to do is you have to shift from all those tapes, those messages that you received in the past, all those negative tapes, you want to erase those tapes and replace them with positive intention.

And the best way to do that is to study people who have overcome obstacles.

And look at people who have had a past like maybe you've experienced, and look at how they overcame that and be inspired by those messages of hope and inspiration.

- So adversity can be a great teacher as we project forward.

- And that can help shift your belief system.

Well, if that person overcame that adversity, who am I to not overcome what I need to overcome?

- Yes, yes.

- So the S stands for defining your success, the E stands for managing your energy, the A stands for having the right attitude.

And what's the T?

- Tenacity.

- Tenacity.

- Yeah, you have to have the tenacity at max capacity.

- Resilience.

- To overcome adversity and to be resilient and to know that the path to the front row isn't always a direct path.

There are detours, there are potholes, there are going to be unexpected obstacles along the way.

So you have to be tenacious about it.

You have to get up and go.

You have to keep going no matter what obstacle is thrown your way.

- And you make it sound so easy.

- Yeah, it's not.

- Well, is that the first time in five years?

My voice is, I lack sleep.

(clears throat) You make it sound so easy, Marilyn.

- Yeah.

- I mean, how do I become tenacious when I have requirements from the family, requirements at work, requirements in society.

- Right.

- And maybe I failed a couple of times.

Maybe I'm trying to get to the front row.

- Right.

- Or really I'm trying to get to the front row.

But these potholes you talk about are keeping me from getting there.

- Right.

- It's easy to say be tenacious.

Be resilient.

But we're not operating in a vacuum.

- Well, every single day is another opportunity.

And so I like to just reset every day.

And instead of focusing on the obstacles, focus on, well, how can I get through this?

And that's why it's so important to study other people who've already done it.

So you don't have to reinvent the wheel every time.

So get inspired by other people's stories.

Search for those stories of people who are making an impact on the world.

And be excited and inspired by that.

You know, I just saw a story the other day of a young woman who was a janitor at a hospital.

And so not a very prestigious position.

Her mother had to go to the hospital, the same hospital, and they questioned her illness and they questioned her mental health.

And she was so upset about how her mother was treated that she decided to change the system.

And she literally went to medical school and became a doctor.

- Oh, come on.

- So that she could treat patients the way she wished her mother was treated.

Now, stories like that are-- - Is that a true story?

- It's absolutely a true story.

And I'm so inspired by that.

And I think, wow, I've had to overcome things, but not nearly as harsh as that.

So who am I not to try?

Who am I not to get up and be tenacious about those obstacles that I see?

- Mm-hmm.

This is what you talk about from the stage.

- Yes.

- You're telling audiences that, oh, yes, they can.

They're enough.

They can climb the highest mountain and they can move to the front row, meaning you can succeed, you can be engaged and involved.

But you majored in sociology, right?

- I did, I did.

- You went to Washington State University.

You were born in Seattle and majored in sociology.

Has that helped you in your work?

- Well, my first job out of college was a crisis counselor for a suicide prevention hotline.

And so every day from midnight to eight, I was answering calls of people in crisis and they wanted to end their life.

My job was to immediately assess their crisis to how serious they were on that spectrum and then give them immediate help.

So I like to say that in the past, I gave people the courage to live.

And now today, I give people, I give them the courage to live and now I help people live with courage because it takes courage to look at where you're sitting in your life and to recognize it's not ideal.

And so you could have a better seat.

However, the best seat in the house is not the front row.

The best seat in the house is to be an usher.

- To be an usher.

- Yes.

- Wow.

- Yes.

- I like to think in eight fours.

- Well, yes, I do like to think in eight fours.

I live in Las Vegas and if you ever come to Las Vegas and go to a show, I guarantee you there will be an usher there with two things.

Number one, they have knowledge.

They know where all the seats are in that house.

So they know when they look at your ticket, they can direct you to the most direct path to your seat.

The second thing they have is a flashlight where they illuminate the path through the darkness to get you to your seat.

And isn't that gratifying to know that when you live your life in the front row, when you are living your best self, when you are living to your full potential, you are illuminating the path for others to see that they too can live their life in the front row.

So I inspire people to be an usher for other people because as you know, people are watching.

They're watching you.

And just by the way you carry yourself, if you are an inspired person, you carry yourself differently.

You smile, you're open, you're engaging and people feel that, they sense that and they can be inspired by that.

- How is that different from charisma?

Some people just have natural charisma.

I'm not sure they ever analyzed, you know, am I in the front row, am I on the balcony?

They just walk in a room and own it.

- Yeah.

I think there's not a lot of difference between charisma.

But I think people that are naturally like that, it's easy for them to walk into a room and go to the front, shake hands and introduce himself.

But most people are not like that.

Most people wanna go and sort of not be seen or they just go sit in the middle.

And I encourage people, the view down in front is much better.

Plus you get to interact with other people.

And now I'm talking literally, there's metaphorical front row and then there's literally the front row.

When you walk into an environment, you literally can go down in front and see what's happening down there and meet extraordinary people because other people that are down in front, they typically have a story, which is very interesting to me.

- Amal, you've given speeches in your keynote conventions for McDonald's, for Coca-Cola, for Delta Airlines, companies all over the country.

Do they quickly capture what you're talking about?

I mean, if you give a one hour speech, for example, about all of this, do people hear it and say, well, that's nice.

But how do you make sure that they act on what you're teaching them?

- Well, through stories of inspirational examples of people, of what they've done to overcome obstacles, they get it, they get it because I hear from them.

They tell me that I didn't have the courage to ask for the promotion, or I didn't have the courage to go down in front and introduce myself.

And you gave me that courage.

You showed me the path that I too can live my life in the front row.

In fact, I literally was at McDonald's headquarters last week and there was an executive that welcomed the audience.

And she said, "Maryland taught me a long time ago to always sit in the front row."

So my colleagues don't like it when I go to these meetings because I'm always going down in front and they come dragging and screaming.

But once they get there, they know that's where it's at.

- I mean, it's true.

I'm thinking about people, you know, the joke is people go to a church and sit in the back.

But it's true even in business meetings.

When people come to a large conference area, they tend to, very few people walk all the way to the front and sit there.

They sit in the back where they don't wanna be seen.

They wanna be just sort of, you know, fly on the wall.

And you're saying that's gonna hurt your career.

More importantly, it can hurt your view of yourself and it will rob you of purpose and maybe even happiness in life.

- Right, and I know that any seat can be a front row seat with the right attitude and the right perspective.

But when you're sitting in the back and you don't wanna be noticed, sometimes you just come from a belief system that you don't deserve to be in the front.

And I'm hoping to change that.

My goal is to inspire people to change their belief about they do deserve a front row seat in life.

They do deserve to get the most out of their life.

And life is too short to be stuck in a view-obstructed seat in the back.

- So you're not telling me that every time I go to a meeting I have to fight my way to the front and sit at the front.

You're not telling me if I go to New York and go to Broadway, buy that ticket right there at front.

- You don't have to.

But sometimes it's worth it to invest in the best seat in the house.

- But you're really telling me that psychologically I ought to be in the front seat.

- Right, right.

- Right, you're not saying physically I have to be in the front seat.

- No, you don't have to.

You don't have to do anything.

But why not try to move closer to the front row, however you define it.

That balcony seats are just view-obstructed, so sometimes it takes a little investment to be in a better seat.

- What is it that excites you the most about your work?

Is it writing?

I know you've written books.

I know you have been inducted in this Speaker's Hall of Fame, congratulations.

That's an amazing achievement.

I know you live in Las Vegas and a lot of conventions in Las Vegas, so you probably speak at a lot of those.

I know you're very active in the National Speakers Association.

But what excites you most about your work?

- When someone comes up to me and tells me that I made a difference in their life, that really excites me.

And I never know who I'm going to touch in my audience.

I don't, I never know.

I mean, I know my message resonates, but when I hear from them to let me know that they went for the promotion or they fulfilled a goal or they got out of a toxic relationship because they felt they deserved a front row relationship in their life, that's what excites me.

- I mean, that's applicable to everything we do in life, right?

You're talking about impact.

- Yes.

- Talking about the impact that you bring forth to people.

- Yeah.

- Tell us a story or two about some people who tried to get to the front row, but couldn't.

- Well, I don't know those people.

- They just don't tell you about it?

- They probably just don't tell me about it.

- Yeah.

You know, one of the stories that I do love to tell is I was watching the Summer Olympics, Beijing, China was hosting the Olympics and Yao Ming, famous basketball player, was the host of the host country.

He was a designated flag bearer.

He's walking in on this national stage where he's not alone.

He's with a seven-year-old boy named Lin Hao.

Now, why does this little boy have the honor of walking on this world stage with Yao Ming at the Olympics?

Well, right before the Olympics started, his elementary school was the epicenter of an earthquake and he got out.

And as soon as he got out, he went back in searching for classmates that had been knocked unconscious.

And he found a classmate, removed the rubble and carried him to safety.

And then went back in, found a second classmate that had been knocked unconscious and carried him to safety.

And if that wasn't enough, this little seven-year-old boy gathered all the surviving children and he put them into a circle and he led them in song to keep them calm until the adults arrived to rescue them.

And the media got ahold of the story and they said, "Why did you do it?

Why did you go back into that building and save those children?"

And this little boy said, "It was my job.

I am the hall monitor."

And I think if this little boy could take his job as a hall monitor so seriously to usher others to safety, then who am I not to take my responsibilities seriously and do the best job I can possibly do without waiting for permission, without waiting for someone to tell me what to do.

- You speak with clarity and eloquence.

How did you learn to speak like this?

Most people have a tough time expressing their ideas with clarity and conviction.

The words seem to come out of you with great clarity.

I understand what you're saying.

And it's poetic, really, understanding this whole notion about front row and usher and the light.

And I know where all the seats are.

This is pretty cool stuff.

- Well, I appreciate that.

I think a lot of speakers, when they get nervous, they tell me, "I get nervous to speak in front of audiences."

And I say, "Well, you're focusing on the wrong thing.

You're focusing on how I will sound or how will I look or how will I come across."

The focus actually should be two things.

Number one, do you believe in what you are presenting?

Because if you really believe with conviction, then you will come across as authentic and strong in your belief.

- That's big.

- And the second thing is, do I believe in what I'm saying will be of value to this audience?

And if you think that what you have to say is of value to that audience, then everything else is just ego.

So that's how I, hopefully, I come across with clarity is that I believe that what I'm saying is of value to people, that it can inspire people to live a better life.

- How do people acknowledge that what you're saying is of value to them?

You know, there's an old adage that says, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears," right?

But if you have a thousand people in the audience, they didn't all show up to say, "Oh, today, Maryland's chairman's gonna help me change my life to the better."

Some of them just showed up because the boss said, "That's the meeting at nine o'clock in conference room A."

- Right, well, that's why I like to tell stories, like the little boy, Lin Howell, because people can resonate with stories, and they see themselves in a story, and they get inspired by a story.

Because sometimes you're given a seat that you didn't choose, like you're given a team that you didn't choose.

So it's important that you have the right mindset, that you can shift your perspective and make it a front row seat, or to make it the best situation possible.

So sometimes people are dictated, they have to come to an event, and hopefully I inspire them through example and through storytelling, and let them know that they too can do better.

- The assumption is everybody wants to live longer, happier, more successfully, more impactfully.

Some people know how to do it, and others don't, and you come in and you enlighten their thinking, and you're the usher, you know, lighting their path and showing them where their best seat.

Marilyn, congratulations on all the good you do across America and the world, and thank you for being with me today on Side by Side.

- Thank you.

(upbeat music) - Funding for Side by Side with Nido Qubein is made possible by: - Coca-Cola Consolidated makes and serves over 300 of the world's best brands and flavors to over 65 million consumers across 14 states and the District of Columbia.

With 17,000 purpose-driven teammates, we are Coca-Cola Consolidated.

- The Budd Group has been serving the Southeast for over 60 years.

Specializing in janitorial, landscape, and facility solutions, our trusted staff delivers exceptional customer satisfaction, comprehensive facility support with The Budd Group.

- Truist.

We're here to help people, communities, and businesses thrive in North Carolina and beyond.

The commitment of our teammates makes the difference every day.